Lots of Little Conversations

One of my favorite things to do with my children is to have special one on one conversations with them as I tuck them into bed at night. It started a year or so ago with Kelan when I wanted him to know I thought he was a wonderful kid - especially on those days I lost my temper (see Some Days Are Harder Than Others). I now ask the kids about their day and if they had fun. I tell them I think they are great (consequently Kelan started responding, I think you're a great Mommy). I laughed so hard the first time he said it that it has become a ritual with us. I know he says it to make me laugh, but it is still nice to hear. Our little conversations have become a safe place to talk about things. My hope is that they know they can always come to me - with ANYTHING. That I am there to listen to them - and offer advice if needed or desired.

Last weekend I was faced with discussing a hard topic (pun intended) with Kelan. His penis. It started actually at the dinner table. Kelan was naked - which he usually is during dinner (so is Lauren...we pick our battles...this one does not make the list). I had not noticed, but Kelan was playing with himself under the table and became hard. This was not the first time he played with himself, but it was the first time he asked me about it. Why is my penis hard?

Now it must be said that I actually was prepared for this - amazing since I feel so unprepared for everything else I do as a mom. I had taken a sex education class for parents a couple of years ago that focused on talking with your kids about sex (see Wigawee Wigawee). One of the main concepts is to have lots of little conversations with your kids at an early age creating the foundation for an ongoing dialogue. Another key element is not to be embarrassed. This tends to be a little more difficult, but I try to imagine I am just explaining how things (other things) work. And for the record - Dan was out of town. This question was for ME.

My first response to Kelan (in a non judgemental voice), was that is what happens when you play with your penis. But we do not play with our penis at the dinner table. We can do that in your room or the bathroom. He still seemed concerned that it was hard, so I explained that it was normal. That it happens to Daddy and to his friends that are boys. And that if he wanted to, we could read the What's the Big Secret book (an introduction to sex book for young kids) at bedtime. This seemed to help and we were able to finish dinner.

Later that night when Kelan was getting ready for nighttime, he grabbed the book and jumped into bed. I think he got a little embarrassed, because he then decided that he did not want to read it (we have read it hundreds of times) but would rather turn off the light and talk about his penis. He started asking about the bones in his body because he thought there was one in his penis. I believe he was really trying to understand how it could be so hard. We talked for awhile, both of us fully engaged. Him, full of questions. Me, trying my best to answer.

This is one of my many jobs as Kelan's - and Lauren's - mom. I have to be open to everything they need to ask me. It is the only way they can learn that I am a resource (if I will not talk about some topics, they may not come back to ask me on other ones...slowly closing that communication door). So I am here Kelan and Lauren, let's talk!