Kelan Has a Doll

I was dancing with my children today to Marlo Thomas' Free to Be You and Me album this morning when William Wants a Doll came on which sent me into tears. I am not sad by any means - just moved. Let me explain.

Lauren got a baby doll and stroller for her first birthday back in May. She wasn't old enough to really even know what it was, but as a young girl I LOVED my baby dolls and I wanted to share my experience with my daughter. I soon realized that I should have shared it with Kelan too, because the second Lauren received her baby doll, Kelan opened his arms wide and said, "My baby!" hugging the doll so gently. What a wonderful sight. Kelan is all boy (i.e. he's all about tackling his friends, into trucks and trains and is an all around rough and tumble kid) - yet there is a soft and gentle side to him as well, that comes to the surface when he is holding Lauren's baby up on his shoulder singing "Rock-a-bye-Baby".

Several weeks later I was telling a good friend of the family, Jan (a pseudo grandma), about Kelan and Lauren's baby and she immediately said, "that's what I'm going to get Kelan for his third birthday!". Being who I am, and growing up on Free to Be You and Me I was totally supportive of this gift. Our friend started her quest to find the perfect baby doll for Kelan - a boy doll.

At Kelan's birthday party, Jan gave Kelan his gift and he was truly overjoyed. He immediately took his baby into his arms and went off to a secluded bench - we were at a park - where he could have some privacy. What a special moment for Kelan (and for those of us lucky enough to witness it).

Sadly my father-in-law, after seeing the baby doll, announced that he got Kelan a boy's toy - a truck! Obviously he does not know about "William" and Free to Be You and Me. Additionally, he did not understand the company he was in (who were ALL supportive of the gift). I guess this goes back to his generation and the limits and stereotyping put on children. My younger sister Mary spoke up and rightly said, "both are good". Which is true - Kelan loves his truck AND his baby. In my opinion, this antiquated thought process on "gender" biased toys goes beyond toys. It's much more than that. I can't help but think that my father-in-law missed out on so much with his children (he has six) when they were young. I know my father did. But as I watch my husband being "Daddy" to our kids, I know things have changed.

Dan is an amazing father who is with me during the good times and is down in the trenches with me during the other times. He has been known to change diapers AND get me something to drink while I was nursing at 3am. He makes up songs to sing to the kids while they dance. Bath time is his time with them (well, with two kids now, it's started to become our time). On the weekends he gets up and plays with the kids while I get a little extra sleep. He reads story after story to two bright eyed kids who just want one more.

I remember when Dan and I would both read books to Kelan before bed (before Lauren was born). Every time I read the ending of Guess How Much I Love You, Dan cried. True. The book described what he was feeling as a father: "I love you to the moon and back".

Dan is experiencing what is IS to be a father. He is taking it ALL in - the good, the bad and the ugly. I think he understands what mothers have known for some time, it's not about us anymore - it's about the kids. This is life - our future. I believe a lot of our generation's fathers did not quite get this idea. I think this is why my father failed at being a dad. It seemed that he believed it was still about him. He never had a chance to see what it meant to be Daddy.

So when I see Kelan with his doll holding him sweetly, I smile. Kelan will be an amazing father if he chooses to have children. He will be kind and understanding. He will co-parent with his partner. He will love his kids so much, and will know it's about them. After all, he will have learned from the best.