Kelan Has a Doll

I was dancing with my children today to Marlo Thomas' Free to Be You and Me album this morning when William Wants a Doll came on which sent me into tears. I am not sad by any means - just moved. Let me explain.

Lauren got a baby doll and stroller for her first birthday back in May. She wasn't old enough to really even know what it was, but as a young girl I LOVED my baby dolls and I wanted to share my experience with my daughter. I soon realized that I should have shared it with Kelan too, because the second Lauren received her baby doll, Kelan opened his arms wide and said, "My baby!" hugging the doll so gently. What a wonderful sight. Kelan is all boy (i.e. he's all about tackling his friends, into trucks and trains and is an all around rough and tumble kid) - yet there is a soft and gentle side to him as well, that comes to the surface when he is holding Lauren's baby up on his shoulder singing "Rock-a-bye-Baby".

Several weeks later I was telling a good friend of the family, Jan (a pseudo grandma), about Kelan and Lauren's baby and she immediately said, "that's what I'm going to get Kelan for his third birthday!". Being who I am, and growing up on Free to Be You and Me I was totally supportive of this gift. Our friend started her quest to find the perfect baby doll for Kelan - a boy doll.

At Kelan's birthday party, Jan gave Kelan his gift and he was truly overjoyed. He immediately took his baby into his arms and went off to a secluded bench - we were at a park - where he could have some privacy. What a special moment for Kelan (and for those of us lucky enough to witness it).

Sadly my father-in-law, after seeing the baby doll, announced that he got Kelan a boy's toy - a truck! Obviously he does not know about "William" and Free to Be You and Me. Additionally, he did not understand the company he was in (who were ALL supportive of the gift). I guess this goes back to his generation and the limits and stereotyping put on children. My younger sister Mary spoke up and rightly said, "both are good". Which is true - Kelan loves his truck AND his baby. In my opinion, this antiquated thought process on "gender" biased toys goes beyond toys. It's much more than that. I can't help but think that my father-in-law missed out on so much with his children (he has six) when they were young. I know my father did. But as I watch my husband being "Daddy" to our kids, I know things have changed.

Dan is an amazing father who is with me during the good times and is down in the trenches with me during the other times. He has been known to change diapers AND get me something to drink while I was nursing at 3am. He makes up songs to sing to the kids while they dance. Bath time is his time with them (well, with two kids now, it's started to become our time). On the weekends he gets up and plays with the kids while I get a little extra sleep. He reads story after story to two bright eyed kids who just want one more.

I remember when Dan and I would both read books to Kelan before bed (before Lauren was born). Every time I read the ending of Guess How Much I Love You, Dan cried. True. The book described what he was feeling as a father: "I love you to the moon and back".

Dan is experiencing what is IS to be a father. He is taking it ALL in - the good, the bad and the ugly. I think he understands what mothers have known for some time, it's not about us anymore - it's about the kids. This is life - our future. I believe a lot of our generation's fathers did not quite get this idea. I think this is why my father failed at being a dad. It seemed that he believed it was still about him. He never had a chance to see what it meant to be Daddy.

So when I see Kelan with his doll holding him sweetly, I smile. Kelan will be an amazing father if he chooses to have children. He will be kind and understanding. He will co-parent with his partner. He will love his kids so much, and will know it's about them. After all, he will have learned from the best.

We Came Back

We just got back from our last vacation for this summer. We went to Whistler, BC and it was pure heaven! I almost thought we would not make it, because Kelan was just getting over his month long stomach illness (which was never fully diagnosed). Kelan had not thrown up in 2 days and his diarrhea seemed to subside so we decided to go for it and embark on the 5-6 hour drive to Canada.

I had the brilliant idea of leaving after dinner so that the kids would sleep during the car ride. This idea is good in theory, but in practice it was quite possibly the worst idea I have EVER had. Lauren and Kelan fell asleep right on schedule, but after an hour they both woke up with no signs of going back to sleep. In fact Lauren became hysterical because she was so tired and could not sleep in the car. So here we were on a two lane road headed up to Canada (hours still to go) in the dark, on a road that is under construction (they are doing MAJOR road work in preparation for the 2010 Winter Olympics) and not many places to stop. Kelan had given up by this point. He sat in his car seat with his tired glazed eyes focusing on nothing in particular while Lauren SCREAMED. In fact, she cried so hard that she threw up. I have heard of this happening but I have never witnessed it firsthand. It's not pretty. I eventually had to squeeze into the back seat between the car seats and sing/hum our nighttime lullaby while rubbing her face and arms and legs for about a half hour until she crashed. Dan managed to drive stoically through the chaos. He is my hero.

Set between snow capped mountains, Whistler is a ski resort village that caters to mountain bikers during the summer. The village and surrounding trails are perfectly groomed (you are definitely not roughing it) that all you have to do is take in the beauty around you. Dan had found a deal online at the Tantalus Resort which included: two rooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, dining area and living room (not to mention the balcony that overlooked the pool and mountains). After Vegas, we learned that we need the space with kids and the kitchen helps cut down on food costs.

We soon fell into a routine. Mornings were spent as a family, then we would would head back to the room for lunch. Dan would then leave for his mountain bike adventure while the rest of us would explore Whistler, go swimming in the pool or play on the jungle gym at the hotel.

I love seeing the kids outside and experiencing new things. It's very important to me and Dan and we will continue to take our kids outside. We walked along tree lined trails with slugs, snakes and chipmunks crossing our path - thankfully no black bears (although Dan did see one while biking one afternoon. Whistler is black bear country and everywhere you go there are signs about getting "Bear Smart" - i.e. what to do if your paths cross). One of my favorite walks was to the Lost Lake - which we did twice. It was stunning and the kids loved playing on the beach and in the water. There was also a family of ducks that would come close to the kids and dart away as soon as the kids tried to grab them.

One morning I made banana pancakes and Lauren decided she wanted to use a fork. With her daddy's help (and Kelan's) she ate her breakfast like a big kid. It was a sweet family morning that I remember.

We spent time swimming in the pool (and the Lost Lake) looking up at the mountains, walking through Whistler Village, climbing the jungle gyms, playing in the sand (and eating it...Lauren!), watching the mountain bikers come down the slopes, eating Indian food (our favorite dinner!), climbing rocks and just getting really dirty. It was wonderful.

On our last day it rained. Down poured is more like it. Dan would not be able to get one more ride in before we left (but he might not have been able to anyway because he crashed the day before and jammed his left wrist). Just as well - we were leaving and had learned we should drive in the day rather than the night.

The kids napped for the first hour of the ride back - which was what we expected. Now what to do to get home without a meltdown? We must make some stops along the way. We managed the perfect stop: a sweet little town - Horseshoe Bay - where we could eat and play in a park by the water's edge. We found a cafe and as Kelan entered he announced, "this is perfect!" - and it was. Afterwards we walked over to a park where we let the kids play and we could see the ferries come and go. The kids loved the park and did NOT want to leave (or maybe they just didn't want to get back on the road).

We managed to get everyone back into the car and headed out of Horseshoe Bay. Or so we thought. We kept going around in circles due to one way signs and lack of signs leading us to the highway. Every time we circled back around the park Kelan would announce, "we came back!" This sent me into hysterical crying fits of laughter every time he said it, but Dan only became more and more frustrated (he was driving). At last we made it out - whew! - and headed home without incident.

We will come back to Whistler - it was a great trip.

Epilogue

It's 5am the morning after our return. Kelan has wet (soaked) the bed that we are sleeping in so I'm up getting him changed and finding towels (freshly washed after all the vomit and diarrhea Kelan had before the trip) to line the bed. It's 6am and Lauren is screaming. Dan goes into her room to find her sitting in diarrhea (leaked out of her diaper all over her crib). He brings her downstairs just in time for her to throw up. It's the same "symptoms" we were dealing with before our trip, just a different kid. Welcome home. We came back.